Snippets                                                                             

Any snippets or pearls of wisdom......? 
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 Then send an e-mail 
Any good that you can do, do it now!  For we pass through this way but once
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.A wee Glasgow boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
'Wonderful, what part is it?'  Asks his Mum. The boy replies, 'I play the part of the Scottish husband.'
The mother scowls and says,  'Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part! '.
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IF   		A Child Lives with Criticism,  She learns to Condemn.
A Child Lives with Hostility, He learns to be Shy.
A Child Lives with Shame, He learns to feel Guilt.
A Child Lives with Tolerance, She learns to be Patient.
A Child Lives with Encouragement, He learns Confidence.
A Child Lives with Praise, She learns to Appreciate.
A Child Lives with Security, She learns to have Faith.
A Child Lives with Approval, He learns to like Himself.
A Child Lives with Acceptance and Friendship, He or She learns to find Love In the world  

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Girls will be girls
According to a news report, a certain school was recently faced with a unique problem. 
A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. 
Unfortunately after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. 
Every night the janitor would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. 
Finally the Head decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the janitor.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the person who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the janitor to clean them.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet water, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
................. There are Teachers, and then there are Educators .......................
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The best way to teach is by example   Don't waste your mistakes, learn from them
Whys?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called the rush hour?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones?
Why is it in every plate of chips there is a bad chip?
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One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said bloody hell! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
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Mothers  
My Mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you are going to kill each other, do it outside because I've just finished cleaning."
My Mother taught me RELIGION -"You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."
My Mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
My Mother taught me LOGIC #1 -  "Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC #2 -"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the shops with me."
My Mother taught me FORESIGHT -"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you are in an accident."
My Mother taught me IRONY -"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My Mother taught me about OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
My Mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST -"Will you 'look' at the dirt on the back of your neck."
My Mother taught me about STAMINA - "You will sit there 'till all that cabbage is finished."
My Mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My Mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
 "If I yelled because I saw a bus coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"
My Mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!"
My Mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My Mother taught me about ENVY -"There are million of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -"If you don't pass your spelling test, you will never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOUR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You are just like your Father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a field."
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My Mother taught me was JUSTICE - "One day you will have kids.... and I hope they are all worse than you are."
My Mother taught me was RETRIBUTION - "I'll wipe that smile aff yer face"
My Mother taught me was CONFUSION - "C'mon get aff !"
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Mothers........you can only have one mother, patient, kind and true
                     no other friend in all the world, will be as good to you. 
Fathers........you have turned into your Dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir paint with 
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MORALS
The teacher gave her P7 class an assignment to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral in it. Next day, Mary said, "My auntie bought eggs out of the supermarket and put then a box on the front seat of the car, 
when she hit a bump and a lot of them broke and made a mess."
 "So, what's the moral of the story," asked the teacher.  "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
              Another child, Linda, told her story. "My uncle's a farmer he raises chickens.
              He had 16 eggs one time, but when they hatched, he only got 10 live chicks.
              And the moral to this story is: Don't count your chickens before they hatch." "Good" said the teacher.
 "Now, Johnny, do you have a story too?" "Yes, Miss. My daddy told me about my Granda..
 He was a paratrooper during the war--and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory. 
All he had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun, and a machete.
He drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break. Then he landed in the middle of 20 enemy troops. 
He killed 15 with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets. He hacked 5 more with the machete until the blade broke. 
then he killed the last 5 with his bare hands."
 "Good heavens!" exclaimed the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you was in this terrible story?"
"Don't mess wi' ma Granda when he's been drinking."
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Learn from the past...use well the future  ( Motto of the Bridgeton Working Mans club in Landressy St )
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead
Walk beside be and be my friend 		 Don't be afraid to let your hair down. 
 If you can't let your hair down and be yourself with others, 
 how can others let their hair down and be themselves with you?
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I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it.
I want to have lived the width of it as well.
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Take inventory of yourself and change all you dislike. You may never get this time again.

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.

A friend gives a hand up not a handout

Control your emotions or be controlled by them

When in need of Help... Involve others

One minute of planning saves you five minutes in execution

When you have a Moment free, relax yourself and enjoy.

Around a flowering tree, one finds many insects.
Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.
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SMILING is infectious, You catch it like the flu
When someone SMILED at me today, I started SMILING too
I passed around the corner and someone saw my grin
When he SMILED, I realised I'd passed it on to him.
I thought about that smile, then realised its worth,
A single SMILE just like mine could travel 'round the earth.
So if you feel a SMILE begin, don't leave it undetected
Lets start an epidemic quick and get the world infected!
A little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease had a  5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.
At the hospital the doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. He hesitated for only a moment before taking a deep breath and  saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his  blood in order to save her. You see, after all, understanding and attitude, are everything.
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One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a lift. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs.Nat King Cole.

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During the second month at university, a professor gave the students a test.
Most students had breezed through the questions, until they read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. Many had seen the cleaning lady several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would they know her name? All handed in the paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our grading. "Absolutely," said the professor. 
"In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello." 
The students never forgot that lesson……by the way….her name was Dorothy.

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WHY IS ENGLISH SO DIFFICULT ?
Let's begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother! we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example... 
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England and French Fries actually come from Belgium.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed ! to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Dad is Pop, how come Mum isn't Mop?

I can't explain why? Can you?

wemWeb   
 Last update 21 July 2008 13:35

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